A Few Years Too Late
by despairing.soul
Summary: Years have passed since the death of L. Light and the rest of the old task force come back to the headquarters where they once worked on the Kira case. The best guarded memories set in reappearing in Light's mind which makes him lose all of his composure and control... Warning: Mature content


**Author's Note: The inspiration had a source in my dream. A few nights ago my brain served me the most sorrowful scene ever and, as a result, I decided to upload it here. It's something for mental masochists, I'm afraid. Definitely NO happy ending. I cried when I finally woke up.**

* * *

And there they were again, together but somehow all alone in this big building which once had been the headquarters they'd worked in on the Kira case, but now was completely out of use, locked up and unavailable for anyone to get into. For anyone but the old task force.

Light sighed deeply entering the studio he'd spent over a year in and looked around. All the equipment was still there, untouched and unused through the years since they abandoned it after…

'Hey, guys, have a look at what I found!' Matsuda suddenly interrupted and his trail of thoughts disappeared as he saw something on the screen of one of the computers in front of the policeman.  
Light froze. How is it possible...?, he thought feeling like his heartbeat speeded up and veins got filled with adrenaline.

The screen was showing a photo of him and the man Light wished he would never see again - he and Ryuuzaki staring at each other with a chain connecting them together and cuffs around their wrists.

'There are more photos here, Light' Matsuda turned to the young male pointing at the screen. 'And some records as well.' Light approached the position in three seconds time urging the policeman to move out of his way and sitting in front of the monitor. His eyes never leaving the black-haired and pale man from the photo.

It shouldn't be here… he was thinking intensively flicking through all of the photos and videos, the recollecting flood of memories was invading his mind. It really _shouldn't _ be here!

It was no use in fighting back all of those parts of his memories, he'd wished to have forgotten long, long time ago. It was already surfacing from the very depths of his mind and the realization suffused him.

The uncontrollable tears started coming out of his wide open eyes making his vision blurry.  
_I have to stop_...!, his mind was screaming but his body wasn't replying, simply ignoring the signals his brain was sending.

But his eyes were too occupied by observing these long and slender digits, this ebony hair, onyx eyes... The way he was sitting on a chair in front of the computer, tucked, never blinking, utterly focused, reaching for another sugar cube every so often... The way his mouth used to curve when he was saying something and his thumb always touching his bottom lip then.

_Stupid idiot! Turn it all off, delete all of the data...!__  
_

No, how could he...? The realization... He finally understood and it knocked him out entirely.  
His hands and shoulders started shaking, his lips quivering, sight went totally blur.

His steadily strengthening sob pierced the silence breaking it completely. The tears had already created a salty pool on the desk before him. He couldn't compose himself any longer. What made him come back here anyway? The most stupid idea in his entire life! There was no need in recalling something forgotten so many years ago...! Fucking idiot!

Too late.

'Light, what happened?!' Matsuda shouted in pure horror seeing the hysteria and madness in the male's eyes.

But he couldn't stop, not now when he'd just understood at last. He started choking on his own tears hiding his face in trembling hands and muffling some of his whines which were still coming out of his squeezed throat.

All of the men gathered in the room was totally disorientated. They had no idea what they were supposed to do in such a situation. It was Light who'd always remained calm even if everything was falling apart. He'd never ever lost his composure and let his guard down in front of them.

'My son!' Soichiro came to him and touched his shaking back. 'What is it?' He asked being terrified that something awful had happened.

'I-I... lo-loved him...!' Light choked out between uncontrollable spasms and gasps. 'And I-I k…killed him...!' That was all that he'd managed to articulate because the boundless sorrow switched off his mind and buried him in his own universe where no signal from the outside world could get through to him.

Long hours had to pass before he finally stopped despairing and came back to his senses. The policemen had decided to leave him alone in the bedroom he'd once slept in (the worst choice ever), hidden under a blanket with a box of tissues and hot tea on the nightstand.

No one spoke about what had happened when Light had finally overcome the hysteria and stood in the doorway of the computer room.

'We were about to tell you that it's time we come back' Matsuda said quietly looking at the miserable picture of the completely devastated young male in front of him.

Light's eyes were red and swollen. His throat was a sore and he still wanted to sob but found out that he didn't have any more tears to cry out. He nodded in a sign that he had heard the policeman and understood him and took a look at the photo of his beloved one once again.

'Could I... keep these records and photos...?' He finally asked. His voice sounded strange to him.

Everyone in the room looked at Soichiro because he was in charge of everything there. The man eyed on his dejected son and knew that he couldn't say no even though they'd planned to destroy anything which was somehow connected with the long forgotten investigation.

'Take them if you want it' he said quietly. 'But keep them hidden, no one can ever get to know about their existence.' He warned him.

Light nodded again and quickly took everything he wanted packing the records to his bag. His eyes were expressing nothingness and emptiness which he felt deeply inside his heart.

Sitting in a train his thoughts involuntarily headed toward his most beautiful, treasured and best guarded memories. He knew that it would only cause more tears and pain but didn't really care anymore so he didn't notice the salty drops flowing down his cheeks moving back to the past, to 4th of November 2004, to be exact.

~FLASHBACK~

_The hours of the great L were already counted. Light knew about it and so he decided to give the detective the best (but last) night of his existence. He felt bothered a little that Ryuuzaki hadn't told him that he'd had his birthday 4 days before but wanted to give him a present anyway.__  
_

_They weren't handcuffed together anymore because L had been forced to admit Light's innocence, even though he hadn't been willing to, after catching Higuchi and intercepting the Death Note.__  
_

_Light knocked on the door to L's apartment and after a few seconds it opened and the detective emerged from behind it. He didn't look good at all having more visible black rings round his eyes and being paler than usually.__  
_

_'What is Raito-kun doing here that late?' He asked raising a brow. 'Shouldn't he be at home already...?'__  
_

_'Won't you let me in?' The teen answered with a question changing the topic. Ryuuzaki backed inside and did so closing the door behind Light. 'Why didn't you tell me about your birthday, Ryuuzaki?' The boy asked turning to the detective.__  
_

_'What good would it bring? I didn't consider it as something worth mentioning' L sighed eyeing on the teen. 'Is that all?'__  
_

_'Everyone should get a present on their birthday, Ryuuzaki' Light stated biting his lip seductively. 'I wanted to give you something…'__  
_

_'Oh, is that so?' The detective said in monotone having emotionless expression.__  
_

_'Definitely' the teen purred coming closer to him and letting his mouth curve in a smirk. He then gathered all his courage and pressed his lips against L's.__  
_

_At fist the detective didn't respond but suddenly he pinched Light to the wall and kissed him back passionately. The boy smirked in thoughts being contented because he was right - they indeed shared the mutual attraction to each other.__  
_

_'Did I take it right?' L whispered huskily in Light's ear making him shiver. 'Is Raito-kun offering me _himself_...?' He spread teen's legs apart with his knee nibbling gently on Light's exposed neck. Light moaned in reply clenching his fingers on L's baggy shirt.__  
_

_'It w-would be hard t-to misunderstand my i-intentions as they're s-so o-obvious' the teen mewled when L sank his teeth into his neck.__  
_

_'Are you ready to submit, Raito-kun?' Ryuuzaki purred lifting up boy's t-shirt and pinching his nipples.__  
__'This one t-time it's f-fine, it's your b-day after a-all' Light didn't even try to gain dominance. Actually, he enjoyed being submissive more than he would like to admit. L's touch was arousing and it felt so good to be at mercy of his spidery and skillful fingers. Light gave in entirely allowing L to take the whole control, after all the detective's fate had been already settled and he was the one to win the last and most important battle. It was nothing wrong in submitting a bit, especially that it felt that wonderful, was it...?__  
_

_Light was aware of the fact that bottoming might be painful a bit but had no idea that it could hurt _THAT MUCH_. He somehow managed to bear the whole "preparation" thing although having fingers stuck deeply in his ass wasn't pleasurable at all. Finally L bent over the boy positioning himself but stopped having an absent expression on his face. Light got annoyed easily and voiced loudly his dissatisfaction.__  
_

_'Do I have to remind you that I am laying beneath you all naked and we're in the middle of sex, Ryuuzaki?' He snapped looking at the detective angrily. 'You should focus on me now! I know how badly you wanted to fuck me for all that time we were handcuffed, why then are you thinking about something else now? I offered you my virginity, you asshole...!' The detective suddenly awakened from his pensiveness and peeked at the auburn-haired boy.__  
_

_'Oh, I'm sorry, Raito-kun' L shook his head lightly. 'It's just... These bells, I hear them ringing all of the time. It got stronger when you'd come here...'__  
_

_'Bells...?' Light frowned. 'I cannot hear any bells!'__  
_

_'It's like during the funeral... The music of the death' L said bitterly. 'Ringing for me...' He shook his head again. 'Virginity, you say?' He was staring at Light intensively deserting the topic of the bells and making the teen blush slightly.__  
_

_'Yeah, that means that never before have I had -'__  
_

_'I know what that word means, Raito-kun' L snapped. 'It's just hard to believe.'__  
_

_'What is that supposed to mean? Do you really find me that floozie?' He asked in a hurt tone. 'I don't -'__  
_

_He was cut off when L slammed into him in one quick and precise movement making the teen scream loudly. Light shut his eyes feeling the horrible pain as if he'd been just split in two. He sobbed quietly feeling tears flowing down his cheeks.__  
_

_'Y-you b-bastard' he was crying but forced his eyelids to open and looked up into L's onyx eyes. His vision was blurry because of the tears. 'I-I told y-you I was a v-virgin...!' He couldn't calm down his shaking shoulders. But Ryuuzaki did something unexpected - he gently took Light's face into his hands and kissed all the salty drops away and finally joined their lips in a delicate kiss. Light wrapped his arms around L's neck pulling him closer.__  
_

_'I'm sorry, Raito-kun' L whispered placing his mouth on every inch of the boy's face. 'I hoped it would hurt you less if I did it in one quick movement...'__  
_

_'Your reasoning was wrong this time, L' Light said more in his normal voice this time and smiled lightly with still teary eyes and wrapped his legs around L's waist. 'I don't want to even think about the awaiting backache...' He raised up and kissed Ryuuzaki again. 'Y-you can m-move now...'__  
_

_And so the night went on filled with moans, pants and screams of each other's names. And it was the most beautiful and amazing experience in Light's entire life. The pain soon transformed into the unbearable pleasure, he was clinging to the detective and begging him for more and L was obliging all of his pleas. The climax he obtained that night was the most powerful he'd ever had...__  
_

_The next day brought great changes but then Light hadn't realized yet that he was making the biggest mistake in his life. But now..._

~END OF FLASHBACK~

Now, he was crying soundlessly again knowing full well that it wouldn't bring L back to life. He'd died because Kira had wanted him to but now Light wished it had never happened.

'I wish you'd gotten me pregnant, L... At least, I would still have someone to hold onto... The small part of you hidden in someone else's body…' He hid his face in his hands making up his mind. The hardest decision he'd ever had to make.

...

A few days later he was kneeling in front of L's grave with a white rose in his hand. The tears were flowing down his cheeks but he seemed not to notice it at all. Ryuk, the Shinigami was standing by his side and holding the Death Note in his claws.

'Ryuk...' Light finally spoke turning his head to the Death God. 'Do you think we could meet there...?' He asked in breaking voice meaning him and L in the afterlife. Shinigami didn't respond opening the Notebook and taking a pen. Light turned his sight to the grave before him again knowing that only seconds were separating him from the desired death and smiling through the tears while picturing L's face in front of his eyes.

'I love you, L' he whispered placing the rose on the cold stone and closing his eyes. 11 seconds later his heart stopped and his lifeless body fell down onto the tombstone. The last tear flew down his still hot cheek.  
Solace.  
Or is it…?

* * *

**Second Note: That was my first and definitely last depressing fanfick. I much more prefer writing fics with happy ending ._.**

**The worst thing is that Light certainly won't meet L in the afterlife. The Shinigami World awaits him, nothing more -.-**


End file.
